As I plow through yet another rewrite of my current manuscript…is this 5 or is it 6? I can no longer remember I am both enchanted and disheartened by the process. Enchanted in that I always have something new to learn in every draft. Whether it be about a character, a plot layer, or my craft this job provides me with a steep learning curve each time I sit down to write.
And the disheartened bit?
Well I often wonder, as most writers do, whether the writing is good enough. Whether the writing will ever be good enough to tell this story. And that constant wondering (aka fear) although it acts as a magnet to get my butt in the chair can also be a drain on my psyche. When faced with the idea of yet another rewrite that potentially could change an entire book I initially become paralyzed.
I liken this moment of paralysis to standing at the foot of Mt. Everest after sumiting five times in the last twelve months, taking a deep breath and beginning to climb yet again. And although with each climb I know the perils of the mountain a little better I can only prepare so well. Storms whip up. Blizzards. Ice fields. Equipment fails. Oy what writer hasn’t fought with their computer or word processing software at some point? And still I climb on, upward into thinner and thinner air.
Because I love the feeling of the words rushing by, I love the sound of all the voices in my head, and most of all, if I’m completely honest, I love the view from the top. Looking down at all the consonants and vowels I’ve formed in millions of ways to make thousands of words and hundreds of sentences. All the tippity tappity sounds of my fingertips on the keyboard and hours of work culminate in one book. One book written by me. And really, I guess, that finish, the mountain of pages that lie before me after each and every rewrite, my view of the world, is well worth the climb.